I�ve been told to get in the game or get out. Make a move or don�t. Third hand pressure from a second hand source who ate dinner with a girl who�s confused about me.

A roommate calls to get some random information and mentions something vague in passing. Against the protests of his girlfriend, he gave me his advice. Advice? No, gossip conclusions. Pushy demands.

Apparently, I send mixed signals.

Imagine that...a mixed-up guy sending mixed signals to a gender he doesn�t understand.

Inaction is not rejection, and attraction is not a mandate. Maybe�s only exist in potentials and possibilities, but potential and possible are fiction. Truth lies in action, not in speculation, thus a person�s intensions are irrelevant until they become a person�s actions.

I don�t know why anyone is confused about my thoughts or intentions. How can you know anything if you�ve created all the facts in your head? You want to know? Ask. It�s as simple as that. If you�re confused, just ask for clarification.

We don�t need to dance around each other, staring through the peephole in a wall of bullshit. This is my advice to the world: talk. If it�s a big enough deal for you to spend time speculating, then it�s important enough to ask a question.

So whatever, I send mixed signals. *Great.*

I don�t think I got the interpersonal code-book as a child. I don�t know how to telegraph my hopes, fears and desires to another person while sitting around on bar stools. I don�t know the "she wants me" gaze or the "we should have a serious discussion on the nature and direction of our association" hair flip.

The truth is that I don�t know what I�m doing. I don�t know what I�m doing with my life, with my future, or with my living situation. I don�t even know for sure that I�m going to be in the same city in two months, and all that leads me into slight hesitation.

I don�t know why everything has to be proactive. Can�t some things just evolve on their own? Can�t people just enjoy the company of others without the pressure of serious emotion and relationship management techniques?

Seeing as how she�s become confused enough to mention it to other people, the apparent answer is no.

The real question is this: Why isn�t anyone concerned with what I might want here? No one has even ventured the question. No one cares that I�m confused about my life, and no one is interested in the possible causes of that confusion.

I understand why people are acting like this. When you see someone single forever and there�s suddenly the potential for a pairing of friends, you want to shove them off to sea and watch them sail. But encouragement quickly becomes a demand. "You should" becomes "why aren�t you???"

Pressure.

I have plenty of pressure here. Maybe what I need is to be slow...to be simple for a while.

It�s like we�re at the edge of this gigantic forest, and it�s pitch black. I want to feel my way through the trees and enjoy the walk to wherever it ends. Everyone else wants me to run a specific path, full steam to the other side.

With my luck, I�d run straight into a tree.