Isn't anyone else depressed by this whole holiday bullshit?

Some motherfucker does some shit a couple of thousand years ago and that's supposed to mean that I should get all fucking cheery and buy people things. Well here's what I've purchased for the world: a hearty fuck you.

Sure, I enjoy the theory of Christmas. I'm as kind and thoughtful as the next asshole, but I really don't appreciate life in general, so I'm not really going to celebrate the fact that we've all stumbled into another year of existence.

Good job, you're not dead yet.

I'm really not that much of a jerk, well...perhaps I am, but I believe that your life should be lived with integrity. Part of my idea of integrity is that you make every day special for those around you. The very idea of one time of the year being 'extra special' goes against my personal philosophy.

It comes from being a stoic asshole. People aren't into stoic anymore, they want narcissistic and neurotic. No one likes an even keel these days.

My place of employment graciously allows me a week and a half off for the Christmas holiday. What they neglected to mention is that I am not paid for that time.

Thus, due to monetary restrictions, Christmas has officially been canceled this year.