My roommate calls me to inquire about my printer. As far as lower primates go, he�s relatively hairless, but what he lacks in ape fur, he makes up for in instinctual stupidity and impulsive behaviors.
He mumbles inquiries as to the whereabouts of my power cord and the printer cartridge. He does not ask if he can use them, he asks where they are. Not permission, location.
Primates are rude. They seem to get a good laugh by throwing their poop at other creatures in some bizarre form of primal slapstick. All Moe, no Curley.
My roommate is not a particularly funny ape.
He takes things when you�re not home and doesn�t put them back. He fiddles with your belongings while complaining about others invading his privacy. He stomps around and drops shoes and laundry baskets at the stroke of midnight, just to be noisy. He breaks the two simple rules we agreed upon as a condition of our collective cohabitation.
He is ghetto fabulous, minus the fabulous.
He says that he needs to fax out resumes today and I don�t understand how that has become my problem.
I tell him that I threw out the ink cartridge because it didn�t work anymore. His constant and uninvited removal of the cartridge probably caused the print head to dry out, thus making it unusable.
He makes wild clams about purchasing me a new one for me a while back, but makes no mention of the fact that he�d worn out my previous cartridge. While it doesn�t seem like he�s lying outright, I know for a fact that the one that was in the printer was purchased and installed by me. I tell him how it�s weird that he thinks he bought one because I know I paid for the one that was in there.
He stammers and squeezes out a forced laugh. I know that laugh, it�s argument lubricant. He squirts it all over the conversation in order to keep reiterating his point with the least amount of friction.
He repeats over and over "something about that just doesn�t sound right", going just short of calling me a liar...then he hangs up on me.
I want to reach through the phone and punch him in the face, but I suspect my arm won�t bridge the three-hundred mile gap between us.
One of these days, I�m just going to have to do that in person...
